The Mystery of Michelle

So Michelle Bachmann isn’t going to run again.

I won’t add my voice to the chorus of those speculating about the reasons for her decision to quit. I don’t really care whether it was poll results, one of the federal investigations, or a personal message from Jesus.

I’m also not going to join the chorus of those who will miss having Crazy Eyes around—who are bemoaning the loss of a perfect Tea Party specimen to whom they could point and laugh (albeit despairingly).

What I want to know is how this embodiment of everything that is ludicrous and embarrassing about American politics ever got elected in the first place.

The feminist part of me suspects looks had something to do with it. A friend of mine maintains that no one would ever have heard of Sarah Palin if she looked like Janet Reno, and that is probably true of Michelle as well. If you don’t look at the eyes, she’s very attractive.

But surely, at some point, voters actually listened to her.

What did those voters think about her charge that Congress was filled with “anti-American” fifth column members? About her bill to allow light bulb “freedom of choice”?  About her rejection of evolution and climate change?  About her accusation that Hillary Clinton’s aide was a Muslim terrorist? (Cleverly married to a Jew, to throw us off the scent…)

One would think that voters who agreed with her bigotry and extremism would at least be embarrassed by her aggressive ignorance. But she was elected. To the Congress of these United States. Three times.

If that isn’t evidence that America is doomed, I don’t know what is.


  1. “Crazy Eyes.” Really, Sheila? So much for preaching civil discourse to the rest of us.

  2. Look how many times ol’ Danny Burton was re-elected. Although Ms. Bachmann makes him look like Einstein. Sometimes it’s only about their party affiliation and not their politics… which holds true on both sides.

  3. Michelle Bachmann has been referred to as “Crazy Eyes” for several years now. Sheila is not the first to notice those eyes. I’m thinking that now Ms Bachmann will have time to get back to her certified orthoptist and those eye exercises she’s missed while out on the campaign trail. The orthoptist can’t help her with that aggressive ignorance though–she’ll be on her own there!

  4. Unfortunately, she still has about 18 months before her term is over.

    Remember Evan Byah announced he wasn’t running again about three days before the deadline that the Dems could pick a successful replacement so at least Bachmann gave plenty of notice. Byah was so timely that now you all have Coates as Senator.

  5. Copied and pasted from Facebook; my personal favorite Bachman quote is number 8. But don’t forget she was not alone in her idiocy; there was a numbe of others and we had our own Mourdock who came up with a real gem.

    So much insanity, so little time, but we’ve tried to find 10 of the craziest, funniest and most ridiculously offensive Queen Guano-Psychotic Bachmann quotes just for you! In no particular order, here they are:

    1. “The President of the United States will be taking a trip over to India that is expected to cost the taxpayers $200 million a day.”

    2. “This [health care reform] cannot pass. What we have to do today is make a covenant, to slit our wrists, be blood brothers on this thing. This will not pass.”

    3. “I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out then under another Democrat president Jimmy Carter. And I’m not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it’s an interesting coincidence.”

    4. “Normalization [of gayness] through desensitization. Very effective way to do this with a bunch of second graders is take a picture of ‘The Lion King’ for instance, and a teacher might say, ‘Do you know that the music for this movie was written by a gay man?’ The message is: ‘I’m better at what I do, because I’m gay.’”

    5. “You have a teacher talking about his gayness. (The elementary school student) goes home then and says ‘Mom! What’s gayness? We had a teacher talking about this today.’ The mother says ‘Well, that’s when a man likes other men, and they don’t like girls.’ The boy’s eight. He’s thinking, ‘Hmm. I don’t like girls. I like boys. Maybe I’m gay.’ And you think, ‘Oh, that’s, that’s way out there. The kid isn’t gonna think that.’ Are you kidding? That happens all the time. You don’t think that this is intentional, the message that’s being given to these kids? That’s child abuse.”

    6. “But we also know that the very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States.”

    7. “It is a brand new, billion-dollar high speed train that is going to go from Disneyland up to Las Vegas…Harry Reid, the Senator from Nevada, was behind this measure, and it makes us wonder, is he more interested in making sure kids start gambling at younger ages?”

    8. “Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That’s the kind of spirit that I have, too” -Rep. Michele Bachmann, getting her John Waynes mixed up during an interview after launching her presidential campaign in Waterloo, Iowa, where she grew up. The beloved movie star John Wayne was born in Winterset, Iowa, three hours away. The John Wayne that Waterloo was home to is John Wayne Gacy, a notorious serial killer.

    9. “During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed. The government spent its wad by April 26.”

    10. “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.”

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