Tan Those Genitals!!

The American Right just keeps getting crazier. Don’t take it from me; Dana Milbank, among several others, is reporting on Tucker Carlson’s current wacko campaign. 

As Milbank points out, now that the “hoax” of the pandemic is fading, “there are fewer occasions to swallow ivermectin or hydroxychloroquine or to inject oneself with bleach.
So what’s a Trump-loving, conspiracy-obsessed Fox News-viewing guy to do?”

He should stand naked and spread-eagle on top of a large rock at twilight and gaze heavenward as a red laser illuminates his genitals.

Believe it or not, Milbank is not making that up. Carlson is advocating “testical tanning” to address the problem of waning testosterone levels in men. If that “cure” seems….crazy….Milbank agrees.

To the extent declining testosterone levels are a problem, the correct solution would be to address a major cause: rising obesity. Instead of shining a red light on your private parts, dear Fox News viewer, turn off Tucker Carlson, get off the couch and go exercise…

Carlson sees testosterone collapsing in “American men” (it’s a worldwide phenomenon). There’s paranoia about the government: “The NIH doesn’t seem interested in this at all,” Carlson says, impersonating some presumed official from the National Institutes of Health saying “it’s not a big deal” (the topic is widely studied). There’s paranoia about the media: McGovern claims the benefit of red-light therapy “isn’t being picked up on or covered” and says “there’s a lot of people out there that don’t trust the mainstream information.”

Gee–I wonder why trust levels are even lower than testosterone levels…Could Fox “News” have something to do with that?

Milbank points out that Carlson’s recent obsession has a great deal in common with Trumpism: the celebration of a masculinity defined as aggression–a definition that has lately been promoted by Sen. Josh Hawley and former Trump aide Sebastian Gorka–and an unwavering belief in and celebration of junk science.

Actually, sketchy data makes sweeping conclusions suspect. But there’s little doubt testosterone levels are falling — and there’s no doubt obesity can contribute to this by facilitating the conversion of testosterone into estrogen.

Maybe Carlson will encourage his viewers (including one particular Florida resident who favors Big Macs and eschews exercise) to pursue healthier lifestyles. So far, his greenlighting of red-light therapy seems to be telling them that what they really need to be true men is more testosterone. And though testosterone supplementation will indeed increase a man’s “manly” aggression, it will also reduce his fertility.

Millions of Tucker Carlson viewers unable to reproduce? Maybe junk science isn’t all bad.

That last sentence does seem hopeful…

On the other hand, as a report for The New Republic put it,

“There is a real connection between these male supremacists and white supremacist networks,” says Kristen Doerer, managing editor of Right Wing Watch, a project that tracks extremist activity for People for the American Way. She points to Carlson’s concern for faltering manliness as just another version of the Great Replacement theory. “These men are concerned about the white race being destroyed, and part of that concern involves the need for controlling women and particularly white women, and an investment in them having white kids.” She warns that the manosphere is fertile soil for red-pilling, recruitment, and general crosspollination. “It’s not too hard to go from one scapegoat to another: ‘I’m going to blame all Jews, or all people of color.’”

Whatever the cause and/or cure of reduced testosterone levels, I am considerably more concerned about the evident, massive reduction in sanity levels and the associated growth in the credulity of the American public, exemplified by the tribalism and White Nationalism of the Tucker Carlsons of our world.

It isn’t just the “Big Lie.” Nearly half of self-identified Republicans in recent surveys say they believe that top Democrats in government are pedophiles. (I couldn’t find data on the percentage of GOP voters who believe that George Soros financed Jewish Space Lasers, but I’m sure it’s a non-trivial number.)

We are living in an extremely difficult era. We have all kinds of real problems, economic and social, all exacerbated by the very real possibility that climate change may decimate much of humanity. Rather than engaging in concerted, evidence-based efforts to solve those problems, a significant portion of our population has opted to reside in cuckoo land.

Maybe Milbank is onto something when he suggests that the crazies will adopt a worldview that will prevent them from reproducing. The other possibility, of course, is that their growing  numbers and influence will prevent all humans from reproducing–that their “solutions” and political preferences will end up erasing that thin veneer we call civilization and /or eradicating humanity altogether.


  1. Its ridiculous and Carlson knows it. Its about getting more clicks. A health guru shows up on his show advocating tanning testicles and he in his show title of that day, “ The end of men” states why not find solutions to boost your testosterone. Testosterone levels do drop in a man as they age, it is common amongst men and a real health issue. But the mental acuity requires men to be on their toes so to speak. Its the very slant of this article that Carlson is trying to make a point of I think, I could be wrong, but men are feeling pressured to be something other than men.
    Whether you agree with Carlson or not, whether you are from the right or the left. Carlson says he spends hours on each topic. Its the antics he goes through that raises eyebrows.
    Most women that I know want me to be a man regardless of the culture that I’m in for who I am trying to please. But white men need to do besides being man is to acknowledge the past history which they can gain maturity, knowledge and wisdom from and be more aware of tge attributes of women.
    In this economic cycle all a man has to do to get his testosterone to drop is look at his 401k. He doesn’t feel like he is very accomplished.

  2. Once again, they take a problem that is real and then twist a solution that is ridiculous coming from epic on the right to just laziness on the left.

    Testosterone levels have been dropping for decades. My endocrinologist and I had a decent conversation about it because it’s impacting human glands. It has nothing to do with obesity. It has to do with estrogen and forever chemicals in our water and everything we eat.

    Indiana happens to be one of the most polluted states in our country due to farming – fertilizer runoff and CAFO discharge. Add mercury into the mix and it’s a toxic dump.

    That’s what you get from Republican leadership. Since the Democrats are just as corrupt, and the media is captive, the solutions proposed will never be accurate. Never.

    Maybe the tenured faculty at IU could inform us how that works and why frogs and fish are born with both genitals. LOL

    As we’ve learned, the oligarchs control higher institutions as well. So, going back to the point of this post, “Who will share the real problem and address the proper solution when it is not profitable to do so or politically in their best interests?”

    Until that is addressed, the media, including social media, will be chock full of mis- and disinformation even if Barack Obama makes speeches to the contrary. LOL

  3. Prosecute the criminals in the courts and beat the rest in the polls. And categorize childhood obesity as abuse and neglect , because it is. Rinse. Repeat forever.

  4. The manly men Tucker isn’t talking about lived in my growing up days in the 50s and 60s.
    They opened doors, worked for their families and had served in WW2.
    By the 70s, they learned how their wives could add to the household income and understood their daughters had the same talents as their sons.
    The ones HE’S discussing lived then too, only they were the ones who drank to access, beat their wives and kids, and gambled away the paycheck. They churched with us and lived in our communities and everyone knew who they were.
    Tucker doesn’t want to acknowledge their existence does he?
    That’s quite telling …and chilling.

  5. There’s another conspiracy being pursued by special prosecutor John Durham that entails a striking number of subpoenas issued to notable associates of attorney Sussman, all of whom will try to make the court believe they are entitled to shelter behind attorney client privilege.

    When does conspiracy theory transition to conspiracy fact?

  6. Is separation of church and state working? Let’s try separation of sex and state. 😇

  7. First, let’s understand that Milbank is a satirist. His suggestions might seem as crazy as Tucker’s, but he is kidding. I sometimes wonder if Tucker isn’t really just putting us all on, but then I remember to follow the money!

  8. Tuckems is trying to bring us one step closer to Gilead (no doubt Florida will be the first to do a trial run).
    Over-population of human beings is driving ALL of the planet-threatening problems — Mother Earth will find a way to deal with us.

    Oh, and Patrick – “categorize childhood obesity as abuse and neglect ” — so will we prosecute the moms who are also obese (and have been since childhood) or the grandmas (who are also obese . . . . )? More “prosecution” is NOT the answer to a medical problem. Please!!!!

  9. Get ready for portable genital tanning machines on sale from Q’Anon hustlers. Follow the money.

  10. Let the Republicans expose their reproductive organs to sunlight. Along with the red, infrared, yellow, green and blue comes ultra-violet rays. The latter are what give people sunburn. U-V light also destroys cell membranes. You begin to see where this is going.

    When enough Republican males have their sperm cells fried, they can no longer reproduce. That would be the ultimate Darwin award win for rational and sane people.

    Spread ’em boys. Tucker’s sun awaits.

  11. Ok, you made me admit it! I “know,” that it’s George Soros’ Jewish space laser that they need, this time around, to save masculinity!
    “Tan those genitals,” and in the meantime have the laser do a circumcision! Hey, if they are all Jews, then their current persona becomes
    the enemy, but there won’t be any enemy because they’ll all have been transmogrified!
    But, on a more serious note, Tucker has long been grifting men around the issue of “Manliness:” I knew a fellow, maybe 5 years ago, who
    told of having bought a “kit” from a Tucker Carlson company that had advertised a “cure” for impotence. What he got was a modern
    version of snake oil, a grouping of fairly common herbs in a nice package, I imagine, that was of no use whatsoever.
    Is there a point at which even the MAGA crowd will look at Tucker and decide that he’s gone around the bend? As I write that I hear my
    inner voice saying, “No way, buddy!”

  12. I support *ucker Carlson’s advice to irradiate testicles with red lasers. If that don’t burn them off completely, the heat will kill their sperm and keep them from reproducing . Tanning requires UV which is at the other end of the visible spectrum from IR.

  13. Todd, there you go bashing Indiana farmers.
    Have you checked out the number of lawns in this state covered routinely with chemicals?
    Do you golf?
    Ever notice the chemical smell especially as the grass dries in the morning?
    Lawns and golf courses aren’t regulated for runoff like farm fields are.

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